Troublesome but Tasty
by Phi-Dono
Summary: Sanji and the rest of the crew of the Going Merry are led to a trap when they think they spot the Great Blue. The trap is not set by your normal villians, oh no. This time, it's by a group much, much more sinister...


**Troublesome but tasty**

By: Enigma - 10/27/o5 thurs.

Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, and neither does my brother. (He's the one who wrote this, I'm just posting it for him).

Ok, so this is pointless and immature to all hell. If you like it, review. If you hate it, leave. It's meant to be stupid, so it is (and also a little gross) so don't go into this fic with high expectations, ne? Anyway, enjoy and leave a review for my little brother's work – he enjoys compliments just as much as us regular authors do.

P.S.: if you read the Naruto one-shot done by my bro, you'll come to realize that he's kind of obsessed with Ninja Turtles and their deadly pizza... btw, we don't own the Ninja Turtles either... also, no matter what it may seem like to you, no harm is meant to come from this. For example, racism (you'll see why I say this) (- sweat drop -)

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The Going Merry is going across the middle of the ocean and Ussop is in the crow's nest, and says he spots the Great Blue.

Sanji is like "Oh, let's go to it!"

Then Nami says "I have a bad feeling about this. Let's not go."

Ussop spots something coming up. Suddenly, the Ninja Turtles jump on deck. They grab Sanji and jump back into the water. Now the crew must speculate how to get him back.

So Luffy says "What do we know about Ninja Turtles?"

"I know they're powered by sunlight," informs Nami.

"How are we gonna get down there?"questions Ussop. "There's too much water."

"Hey Ussop!" Luffy calls. "Why don't you stick your fat ass head in the water?"

Shocked, Ussop replies "How dare you say that? You're just jealous of my sexy hair!"

While he's saying this, Nami pushes him off the edge of the ship. As suspected, his nappy afro sucks up the entire ocean. Luffy grabs him with his stretchy arm before he can fall to the ground.

Nami then says "Now all we need left is to take away the light."

"Leave that to me!" Luffy exclaims, then proceeds to stretch his body across the ocean.

"Now we can get in," Zoro says. "But something's missing..."

Then Ussop says "I guess the only way to get down there is through this guy's (Luffy) butt."

Zoro shrugs. "I guess so."

After taking a look at Luffy's butt, he says "This hole's too small for me to fit through!"

"Why don't' you just fix it?" Nami asks.

Ussop says "Wait! You don't mean..."

Zoro goes "Yes – we're gonna hafta cut our way through..."

The swordsman says "Alright, let's do this!" and cuts a big "X" into Luffy's butt.

Afterwards, everyone jumps into Luffy's butt.

Luffy says "I'll help you guys out!" and starts to vomit.

Then a big, long winding set of stairs known as his tongue appears. They go down the stairs and end up in front of a big pizza pie.

The pizza grows a mouth and says "Finish my puzzle and you'll be awarded entry!"

So Zoro throws his swords at three pepperoni's, but it does nothing.

"Worth a try..." he mutters, scratching his head.

"Let me try!" Ussop shouts, then rubs his ocean-filled afro on the pizza face.

The gigantic pizza starts to dissolve and reveals an underground lair. They go inside and a pizza box behind them reveals itself as a t.v. It shows Ninja Turtle Bob on the screen, about to make a startling statement.

He says, "Look at your precious cook now! This is what he gets for making so many seafood dishes!"

Then Bob proceeds to take the greasiest slice of pizza that the crew has ever seen, and rubs it all over Sanji's face. Sanji screams in agony at the greasy food all over his face.

"How are we gonna get down there in time?" asks Nami.

Ussop says "Leave it to me!" and squeezes his afro to release a dandruffy river that goes all the way down the winding steps inside the cavern.

Zoro chops up some of the pizza boxes lying around and creates a boat that they can sail in.

So they jump in the boat and go down the steps. While they're riding in the boat, rat people shoot at them with salami guns – but to no avail.

While they're getting shot at, Zoro cuts up the salami for Nami's skinny white ass to eat.

After avoiding the barrage of the pizza topping, they make it to the end of the cavern.

They see the Ninja Turtles jump into a boiling pot and say "Now die!"

Then the boiling grease morfs their bodies into one super Ninja Turtle!

**/.: Meanwhile... :.\**

Luffy gets tired of stretching. He lets out one big "X" shaped fart, then unstretches his body to normal size, revealing the sunlight.

The sunlight hits the Ninja Turtles and makes them grow bigger. This morfs the Ninja Turtles into an even BIGGER turtle!

Seeing the new monster, Nami asks the two remaining crew members if they have any new ideas.

Then Ussop says "Yeah – run for our friggin lives, butt heads!"

Chasing after the crew, the Ninja Turtles slip on a salami gun and suffer an unfortunate fate. They slip and fall into Ussop's ocean holding afro. With the Ninja Turtles inside the afro, now they can safely rescue Sanji.

Once rescued, Sanji and the rest of the crew go back to their ship.

So Sanji says "Now I'll make the ultimate feast!" and proceeds to cook the Ninja Turtle monster mutated thing.

Once done, Nami takes a slurp of the tasty soup. It turns her into a Ninja Turtle herself!

Ussop says "Not this again!" and proceeds to sniff Nami up as if she were cocain.

And then Ussop shows signs of mutation!

So then Zoro says "Let's end this one and for all!" and throws a sword at Ussop's big black man nose – killing the Ninja Turtle gene once and for all.

**/.: The next day... :.\**

A funeral was held for the dead members of the Going Merry. In remorse, Luffy blows himself up like a big balloon and floats up to the sky. Luffy is unknowingly about to be hit by a plane, so in order to save him, Zoro throws a sword at Luffy – killing him instantly.

Luffy then lands on top of the coffin which holds Nami and Ussop. Suddenly, Sanji starts to rub his hands together in sheer delight.

He says "Finally, my plan is starting to come together... To make the greatest stew out of all my crew mates!"

Zoro, finally finding out Sanji's evil plan, turns to run but is stopped by two large Sanji imitations. But, unlike Sanji, they have salt and pepper shakers for feet. So they kick into the air a storm of seasoning, blinding Zoro. Walking aimlessly, he doesn't realize the giant baloney man about to land on him. Now covered in baloney and seasoning, Zoro gives in to fate.

Finally, after gathering all his ingredients, Sanji makes his stew.

Eating the last spoonful, Sanji utters "Troublesome, but tasty."

**The End**

Clever, huh?


End file.
